Solitude

As I sit with this word, solitude, my heart fills with joy. A happy buzz flows through my body. Tears—just a few—well up in my eyes and the corners of my mouth lift ever so slightly. I feel content. With myself. It’s a wondrous sensation. I haven’t always felt this way about being alone. There were many times I felt desperate for companionship. Desperate and yet terrified. Solitude was safe. I’d built myself a lovely prison. Others … Continue reading…

Presence

Journal writing has been my solace, my way of being real, of being true to myself. Now, with blogging, I have a new voice in my head: The Editor. So along with the voice of The Judge, “You can’t say that,” I hear, “Try saying it like this, it sounds better. No wait, make that fresher.” Yikes. At least I’ve kept my sense of humor. Writing is for me. It connects me with myself and gives these … Continue reading…

Vulnerability

I’m flawed Says who? Hum, good question… I’m vulnerable Okay. Can you live with that? Well, perhaps… Being vulnerable, at least opening to the possibility, feels better than being guarded and withdrawn. Vulnerability implies… Well, first thing that comes to mind: weak. Though when I feel into it my sense is the exact opposite is true. Especially with a history of abuse. Trusting in life, in the goodness of people, the shared heart of humanity, all of … Continue reading…

Reflections

Being. Truly Being. Me, without fear of being judged, ridiculed, or even elevated, revered. All of these outer, pull at my inner. What will: Others think? Others say? Old tapes.  Mom stories.  Mom concerns, fears. You can’t be seen like that. (Oh the root runs deep for that one.) But this is who I am. WHO I AM. My sacredness, my uniqueness, by Being. Then change. Or if you can’t/won’t, then hide away.  It’s safe there. But … Continue reading…